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It seems that Mother’s Day is the yearly time for people to air various opinions about the worthiness of such a day. I have read many articles over the past couple years related to this topic and this is my heartfelt response. It is not meant to harm anyone, but simply to share this mother’s point of view on the beauty of Mother’s Day.  Blessings to all born to a mother.

I am a mother. My children, ages 21, 18, 15, 13, 10 and 7 are my proof. Every day for the past 22 years, I have been a mother. I have 2 children in heaven waiting to meet me as well. I am a mother. My husband and I struggled with the pain of infertility, and then God opened my womb and I became, a mother. 

In order to be the mother I wanted to be, for many years I have educated my children at home. I am a mother, a “home school mother”. My husband has 2 careers, one  of which involves extensive travel, so often I am , a mother alone. I am a mother. I have reached out and nurtured and “adopted” people into our family and spiritually nurtured them and cared for their souls. I am a mother.

I have not yet graduated college, so I did not walk across a stage, turn a tassel or receive cards of honor for the accomplishment. I have done 1000’s of hours of volunteer work in many capacities, but never really gotten a card, an award, a bouquet or anything like some do on “Administrative Assistants Day” or “Teachers Day” or “Headmistress Day”. I have not received a paycheck in 20 years. I am a mother. No one has given me “Employee of the Month” or any other awards or recognition of service in my 20 plus year chosen career field. I am a mother.

I do not resent any one else receiving award, gifts, bouquets or recognition and thanks on their birthday, graduation, promotion or advancement. I am a mother. Let me have a day. A day for my children, my husband and my community to remind me that what I do is important, and worth continuing to do well, because honestly, sometimes I am tempted to quit.  Often I have cried due to my lonely road, lack of support and just plain old exhaustion.

I am compassionate, I care about people’s feelings and I enter often into the concerns of those who struggle with many things. After all, I am a mother.

My heart needs the boost that I receive from the annual day of encouragement and honor that is specific to me and other women who have done the work of mothering. It wets my eyes when my church takes 5 minutes to cheer me on, it lasts at least through the brunch that follows. It helps me see clearly through the challenges that do not relent. I am a mother.

It’s just a few minutes on social media or in church, it’s only a day. It helps me to remember to thank my own mother for her years and tears and blood and sweat and all that goes with being a mother. We all are here because someone was a mother.

I am a Lover of Mother’s Day, and thankful for those who let me have it, without worrying about everyone else just for a minute. I feel for those whose relationships with their mothers are challenged, honestly, my own has it’s rough spots. I understand about imperfect family dynamics in families, and loss and longing. I promise I do. I am, a mother.

I want the card. I want to breathe a sigh of relief, in church and at lunch, with a corsage or a banquet or a song or my children doing a good deed. I am a mother, let me have my day. I won’t come and rain on anyone else’s parade, I won’t rub it in, I wear my work on my face and on my sleeves, please give Mother’s this Day, to celebrate  or grieve, the lives they have brought or desire or have lost as they each please.

Happy Day to all who Mother along with me, to mother’s yet to be, to those whose womb will never see, a child, but whose hearts take in and love all the while. I am a mother.

With love,

Sherry

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If we desire to develop and maintain positive and life giving relationships with others, it is important to discover our own capacity and then to learn to read that of others. One of the lost relational skills is the ability to tell when someone is overwhelmed. We need to have people in our lives who have the ability to read non-verbal cues that show when others are over capacity and download that skill from a more mature mind. It is part of God’s design that parents and older people will impart this skill into the lives of their children and community during infancy.

If a parent does not possess this skill and a child is in a disorganized, distracted or dismissive style home, that child may miss this important download and will struggle to gain healthy balance in knowing their own capacity and that of others.

Learning to recognize and respect overwhelm can be learned by being part of a joyful community where the members love one another and where the stronger and more mature minds and willing to enter in and spend time with those who may be weaker in some areas. Living in joy with others means we are glad to be together in spite of our, “malfunctions”.

We are a culture over capacity, and it’s time to take a breather and find out what we need to do to THRIVE and live in JOY.

To learn more about JOYFUL relationships and the skills you need to THRIVE.

http://www.joystartshere.com

http://www.joystartshere.com/thrivetraining/

In our 21 year journey of parenting and home educating our family, we have tried to let our 6 children experience many activities from art to music to photography and filmmaking, various sports, shooting, hunting, traveling, attending camps where they learn about civics and leadership, serving in the church and the community. We hope they will each find things they enjoy and fulfill God’s purpose in their lives. Some are “good” at some things and others thrive when serving or reading or doing community service. We have pursued some “competitive ” things and most of my children have won awards, elections, ribbons for something, have shot a bullseye or graced a stage.

This year our oldest son is attending school  in the 9th grade for the first time and playing a few organized sports that he has never played other than in the backyard or a small co-op. He’s slight for his age and has often been marginalized and bullied due to his smaller stature.

This week he got to play for 4 minutes in a varsity basketball tournament and he took a great 3 point shot from pretty far out. The ball went in and out of the hoop and did not make it in. My honest thought as a mom was, “I am so proud of him for taking that shot”.  I wished it would have gone in as I know that would have blessed his heart. I have noticed some other parents sort of looking at me at the games this year with pity, since my son sits on the bench most of the time, and I have gotten looks and comments from some other parents that let me know they feel sorry for me. It happened during football when he made a little mistake on a play as well. One of the other “student athletes” went so far recently as to say “Oh yeah, your son hardly ever gets in the game even on JV.” I smiled and said “He’s a really good sport and wants to support the team, and honestly, he is here for the people” It’s true, my son loves to be with people and is happy to be part of a team, he realizes that we did not “specialize” in sports when he was young and he’s not tall, or built or super aggressive in sports. He enjoys playing and being with friends.

The other night after the car ride home from a game 2 1/2 hours a way ( yes I drove 6 hours to attend a game where my son played the last 4 minutes of a game with a 40 point margin in the score) my son said to me ” Mom, thanks for not caring that I am not that great at sports, you never yell at me if I mess up and you encourage me to try my best, but you never criticize how I do.”

Okay, I can just cry now and know that my non aggressive and low competitive nature when it comes to my kids is okay. My kids are awesome, I am happy if they love the players and love the game.

Never feel sorry for me or my kids. We are doing just fine on the bench and in the stands watching and cheering for your kids if that’s their thing. Hope you do the same when it’s others turn to shine.

We buy ahead on the life we think we want
Looking into the days ahead
As though our crystal ball was so clear
To show us what will be when the payments are made
The life we imagine is likely too big or too small
For what we need when we take the deed
Certain to be different on the day we arrive
Keys in hand, do we pull into the drive
Or put a sign in the yard
Consult the stars
To know who we will be
Once the seasons roll again
The sports car gives a thrill
Gets there fast
Only room for two
Old couples erect mansions
Fill them full of treasure
Collected in a life so temporary
The passages
No matter how well we think we’ve planned to navigate
Can close in like caves
Or leave us out on display
In a glass house with no shade
Whether we prefer things settled
Leave them open to the end
Our vision is marred by generations
Behind and ahead
Cluttered with dreams unfulfilled
Those yet to live

What is the price to move on up
To the Room with a View
Overlooking a body of water,
Or a lodge where the river runs through?
Will a soul be sold to sit in a box above a field of play
To taste higher quality food,
Walk in better brands of shoes?
To access seats at the tables of power
Lie between silk sheets,
Take part in meetings with sheiks.
Climbers who scale the social strata
Some with work and ideas,
Others with leveraged beauty
Words of cleverness bending the right ears.
Is the hustle worth it?
Or is contentment with a simple life under encouraged?
Seek your passions!
Take what you can!
Grab the golden ring and hold on to all you have!
Those who become rich or who seek it’s pleasure, fall into the temptations of fear
Of falling back into places of non-existence in the courts of power filled men
Or being forced into the drudgery of frugal livings lowly din
Snares, snares like drums pound away in the mind
Drawing those beats and hearts away from the central principles of life.

This culture we’ve created values loud
Rude and arrogant
Violence created to control the crowd
Shouts and harsh lashes for children
Replacing gentleness
For it takes too long
Throw the feed in the cattle car
Everyone get on
If you are different or a resistor
Better shut it or move along
Buck the system
Disagree
There are places for people like you
Don’t let the door hit you as you leave
Majority rules
Too scared to speak
If you do, will you be with those cast out of false community
Friends show they are not as close as they seemed
When to stand with you, means they might have to go to the leper colony
Cold cruel world
Hate for innocents to feel that pain so young
The hand of tyranny
Pain doled out by those themselves hurting
Wisdom only comes from understanding
Nothing more precious
The price of it is steep
Gained through tears and piercing

We live in a day
No matter what you say
Someone is gonna jump down your throat
Tell you your wrong
Dissect your words
Read in between lines that aren’t even drawn
If you stand up for what is right
Or share your heart
There will be a hater nearby
Or someone writing to you from afar
It may be a friend
Or a friend of an acquaintance
Having a bad day or just looking to vent anger
They may not know your story
Those who do, may not care
As long as they get to have some time on the air
So speak your piece in peace
Stand for what you believe
Be kind to those who oppose
Yet, don’t be afraid to call foul or be a referee
If the dissenter is foolish, or off the mark,
If they just want an argument to hear the sound of their own voice.
Or to see their words in print, opposing yours
Flee away, don’t waste your breath or the stroke of the key
Let your words of graciousness
Be what you are remembered for in the age of too much speech.

“When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19