This week, I had just a minute of overwhelm. We are at a crossroads of many decisions which feel, and are, impactful.

Housing, three kids education, two young adults college plans, mid-life career launch. I have been pretty chill about everything, even though it is kind of “a lot” all at once.

All of a sudden things just hit me, although I could feel the bubble for a few days. My husband, a pilot, was on day 4 of a 5 day trip on the heels of being out of town for several days prior, with only a half day touch and go in between.

I began to feel just a touch panicked about making the wrong choices. A night of restless sleep featured a dream where the paint color I am considering, a variation of white, because any other color on the walls at this point in life is destined to be overthrown as a distraction, somehow this non-color looked horrible and just ruined everything, in my dream. Like really, subconscious? White is both a statement and nothing at the same time.

In the scheme of my current life which features; buying a home, remodeling, choosing schools versus continuing not to choose them, starting a business, helping adult children with life paths, buying a new couch, processing relationships, settling into a church, pursuing ministry, seriously, the white paint is what is keeping me up at night?

On the phone with the husband who was sitting in an overly modern Japanese hotel in the Little Tokyo section of Dusseldorf, Germany, in between his meals of Pork Schnitzel and Ramen, we talked through all the items, large and small.

I often cook, I am good at it, but lately, I am just not that interested, in cooking, or food generally, I wasn’t really even jealous of my husbands foodie pics from overseas which normally might inspire imitation.

My meals with the kids this week featured Chicken Teriyaki made by my almost 16 year old from a Pinterest recipe she threw in the crock pot, fried rice from the leftovers, a Taco Bell burrito, Chick Fil A, obviously, , hamburgers with no buns, a later night Campbells Tomato soup-and grilled cheese throw together around the kitchen island, a couple rounds of tea with milk and a side of graham crackers, oh, and some Chocolate Chip scones made by the teen daughter who seems to be cooking more.

If someone picks up my slack, I won’t be offended, as long as they clean up the dishes after cooking. If not, I have realized that all will survive with variances in the family menu. Usually a greater item of concern in my spinning lists.

As I sat on one of my two grey sofas in the white walled living room of our current rental home which I had it painted non-descript before we moved in, tears and words began to fall as I talked to my husband about all these “big” things.

He too had a dream, I think it featured a dog or a cat, both possibly on the horizon to roam the larger yard at the new homestead. So he is worried about the care and feeding of pets rather than mortgages and private school tuition, and I am wigging about paint, not the much more involved, expensive, harder to change tile or hardwood flooring or the greater number of shrubs or souls to tend. Thanks dreams, for letting us see what’s important.

Husband and I had a good laugh about my crying, and I felt better, because I knew he heard me, and his shared dream experience let me know, he understood. I was freed from my impending paralysis.

The kids were at the current schools and co-ops. Energized, I scooted to my neighborhood coffee shop, ordered an espresso milkshake, zipped to a school under consideration to schedule a tour, made a final tile choice, buzzed a contractor for a bid, found my teen daughters favorite Acai Bowl truck on the other side of town and grabbed she and her friends a healthy lunch and delivered it to school in the middle of town before a test which kept her up studying too late the night before. Home in time to rest, recover, watch a mindless show on DVR, then back to pick up the people at their institutions.

Ended the afternoon with Starbucks refreshers, a Which Wich sandwich smuggled into the theater to see Peter Rabbit with my two youngest, picked up the teen and her friends at some other classmates house and then came home to eat frozen lasagna rolls from Aldi, a German company, but in the freezer incidentally.

Slept like a woman at peace after my bedtime snack of graham crackers and milk.

It’s amazing how much power can come from being heard and understood.

Stay tuned for more from my white rooms.


January 1, 2016

It is wisdom that I seek, in all the doings of life, in pursuit of Christ, in speech, in relationships, in investment of time and energy.

The world spins, daily people fall into darkness and error and failings, moral and financial. For the want of wisdom, the best laid plans come undone.

She is there, Wisdom, crying out in the streets, on every corner, begging a listen amidst the many voices, distractions seeking the souls of the simple and the slack.

Turning away from truth, or a complacent pursuit of the knowledge of God brings death. The fruit of poor choices and neglecting to listen when the words of life are spoken, cause many to spiral and lose footing.

In days of calamity and fear on every side, Wisdom speaks:

“Whoever listens to me, will dwell securely and will be at ease, without dread of disaster.” Proverbs 1:33

Is there anything more valuable, is this not what everyone seeks, through acquisition of wealth or alliance or battalions of armed guards and walls around borders, trusted counselors to keep confidences and laws to protect the labors of mind and hands from enemies?

Seeking and keeping the teachings of God will lengthen days and give peace and favor, healing and refreshment.

A house of wisdom is established in peace and the dwelling of the righteous is blessed.

Will You leave me undone?

Not Resolved?

Weary in trying to reach

The Place

Where rest comes.


Tension built

To attain

Never fulfilled

Will pain

Be the end

Of good intention?


Your promise is

To complete the work


The intimacy


Your hands in the heart

Creates breath in lungs

Not stopped or trapped.

Cimatic plans reach fulfillment

In the end.

This is not a lonely quest.

You move in community

Bringing together

The needful elements

Creating the purposes of Your heart inside ours.

Those who yield to growth

See not as unfinished

Process is progress

Time is a friend

Not the enemy

In context of Your reality.

It seems that Mother’s Day is the yearly time for people to air various opinions about the worthiness of such a day. I have read many articles over the past couple years related to this topic and this is my heartfelt response. It is not meant to harm anyone, but simply to share this mother’s point of view on the beauty of Mother’s Day.  Blessings to all born to a mother.

I am a mother. My children, ages 21, 18, 15, 13, 10 and 7 are my proof. Every day for the past 22 years, I have been a mother. I have 2 children in heaven waiting to meet me as well. I am a mother. My husband and I struggled with the pain of infertility, and then God opened my womb and I became, a mother. 

In order to be the mother I wanted to be, for many years I have educated my children at home. I am a mother, a “home school mother”. My husband has 2 careers, one  of which involves extensive travel, so often I am , a mother alone. I am a mother. I have reached out and nurtured and “adopted” people into our family and spiritually nurtured them and cared for their souls. I am a mother.

I have not yet graduated college, so I did not walk across a stage, turn a tassel or receive cards of honor for the accomplishment. I have done 1000’s of hours of volunteer work in many capacities, but never really gotten a card, an award, a bouquet or anything like some do on “Administrative Assistants Day” or “Teachers Day” or “Headmistress Day”. I have not received a paycheck in 20 years. I am a mother. No one has given me “Employee of the Month” or any other awards or recognition of service in my 20 plus year chosen career field. I am a mother.

I do not resent any one else receiving award, gifts, bouquets or recognition and thanks on their birthday, graduation, promotion or advancement. I am a mother. Let me have a day. A day for my children, my husband and my community to remind me that what I do is important, and worth continuing to do well, because honestly, sometimes I am tempted to quit.  Often I have cried due to my lonely road, lack of support and just plain old exhaustion.

I am compassionate, I care about people’s feelings and I enter often into the concerns of those who struggle with many things. After all, I am a mother.

My heart needs the boost that I receive from the annual day of encouragement and honor that is specific to me and other women who have done the work of mothering. It wets my eyes when my church takes 5 minutes to cheer me on, it lasts at least through the brunch that follows. It helps me see clearly through the challenges that do not relent. I am a mother.

It’s just a few minutes on social media or in church, it’s only a day. It helps me to remember to thank my own mother for her years and tears and blood and sweat and all that goes with being a mother. We all are here because someone was a mother.

I am a Lover of Mother’s Day, and thankful for those who let me have it, without worrying about everyone else just for a minute. I feel for those whose relationships with their mothers are challenged, honestly, my own has it’s rough spots. I understand about imperfect family dynamics in families, and loss and longing. I promise I do. I am, a mother.

I want the card. I want to breathe a sigh of relief, in church and at lunch, with a corsage or a banquet or a song or my children doing a good deed. I am a mother, let me have my day. I won’t come and rain on anyone else’s parade, I won’t rub it in, I wear my work on my face and on my sleeves, please give Mother’s this Day, to celebrate  or grieve, the lives they have brought or desire or have lost as they each please.

Happy Day to all who Mother along with me, to mother’s yet to be, to those whose womb will never see, a child, but whose hearts take in and love all the while. I am a mother.

With love,


If we desire to develop and maintain positive and life giving relationships with others, it is important to discover our own capacity and then to learn to read that of others. One of the lost relational skills is the ability to tell when someone is overwhelmed. We need to have people in our lives who have the ability to read non-verbal cues that show when others are over capacity and download that skill from a more mature mind. It is part of God’s design that parents and older people will impart this skill into the lives of their children and community during infancy.

If a parent does not possess this skill and a child is in a disorganized, distracted or dismissive style home, that child may miss this important download and will struggle to gain healthy balance in knowing their own capacity and that of others.

Learning to recognize and respect overwhelm can be learned by being part of a joyful community where the members love one another and where the stronger and more mature minds and willing to enter in and spend time with those who may be weaker in some areas. Living in joy with others means we are glad to be together in spite of our, “malfunctions”.

We are a culture over capacity, and it’s time to take a breather and find out what we need to do to THRIVE and live in JOY.

To learn more about JOYFUL relationships and the skills you need to THRIVE.